Not Bush, Candidate Superstar

The 2004 presidential election is shaping up to be a close, exciting race, and as the big day draws near I would like to bring your attention to a candidate that I feel is extremely worthy of your vote. His name is Not Bush, and as you might have guessed, he (or she) is running on the Not Republican ticket. Not Bush has the values, ideas and experience that can truly move our country forward in these troubled times.

Not Bush is a decorated war veteran, having proudly fought for the freedoms of his country in one of our many previous wars. His military records are open for your approval and scrutiny, having never been lost, misplaced, or "accidently" destroyed. Not Bush learned much from his wartime experiences, including how important it is to exhaust other, more peaceful, alternatives and to avoid war as much as possible.

Not Bush is an advocate of average people. He has big plans to repeal the current president's tax cuts for the rich and for giant corporations and to help struggling familes get back on their feet. Not Bush would not let corporate America continue to more or less run (ruin) the country. Not Bush is also a big proponent of national heathcare and vows to work so that every American has access to free or low-cost healthcare in the next several years.

Women's rights are very important to Not Bush, who understands that the concept that life begins at conception is one borne from religious beliefs and should therefore not have effect on a woman's right to choose. This is also why Not Bush wants to make it a policy not only not to ban abortion in full, but also to provide free or low cost access to family planning to all women who want or need it. Not Bush also supports stem cell research and all manner of scientific exploration for the benefit of all society. Although Not Bush is a good God-fearing Christian, he realizes that America was built on a foundation of religious freedom (and even freedom from religion) and that, for that reason, laws and governmental policies should never be tied into any religion, even the majority's.

These values have also led him to believe that same-sex marriage is an issue for states to decide and that amending the Constitution specifically to ban this type of union would be not only ridiculous, but also unnecessary. This is because Not Bush believes that the Constitution was written to give rights to Americans, not to take them away.

And speaking of taking away rights, Not Bush is completely against the Patriot Act and all that it has come to represent about the quiet destruction of American civil liberties. While Not Bush agrees that steps must be taken to ensure the safety of all Americans, he knows that the stealthy and methodical stripping away of all of our freedoms and civil rights is not the way to do it. That is why Not Bush would immediately repeal the Patriot Act and restore America to the bastion of freedom that its forefathers once envisioned.

Not Bush would also revoke the strike-first foreign policy that has so greatly damaged our reputation in the eyes of the world as well as work to restore power and actual authority, not to mention the dignity of not being rendered completely useless, back to the UN. In short (or not short, as the case may be), Not Bush would give America back to its citizens, and make it the great country we know it can be.

His (or her) name is Not Bush, and he (or she) wants to be your next president. So go out and vote Not Bush on Election Day!

PS - On the actual ballet, Not Bush's name may be listed as John Kerry. Just . . . FYI.